Of Sword and Sheath
by pratz
Summary: Sasuke learnt what it really meant of being an aid to Sanada Yukimura. Yukimura x Sasuke. ::Complete::
1. Default Chapter

Of Sword and Sheath #1

**Of Sword and Sheath**

Author: pratz

Disclaimer: they respectfully belong to Kamijyo-sensei.

Credit: words of gratitude for Jouhaiichi for proof-reading this fic and for simply nudging me to write in the first place.

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_Love_

_Love is a verb_

_Love is a doing word_

_Teardrop; _Massive Attack

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**Chapter 1 of 3**

"You didn't come to the ceremony."

It was a traditional custom for a samurai son to bear his own sword as soon as he was having his genpuku ritual.

Sometimes, Sarutobi Sasuke couldn't help but think Sanada Daisuke bore a heavier sword more than other common samurai son did.

"What for?"

"Sasuke," Yukimura called his name gently. "Daisuke will be the next heir of Sanada House. It's quite impolite not to attend his genpuku ceremony."

"Like I care."

When Yukimura smiled, his smile was even gentler. Taking a seat beside the young man, he leaned back onto the tree. The Sanada House's garden was more beautiful when it was full moon night like now. He used to enjoy the moon viewing with his subordinates, his Ten Guardians, with cups of sake and laughter all the night. Yet tonight none of them was with him, due to their main duty, safe for the youngest of the Ten.

"The more the merrier, Sasuke. I was lonely because you weren't there."

"You're always reckless, Yukimura."

"You always know me the best."

Sasuke frowned at the words his master had used. He didn't like it even a bit.

"Sasuke?"

"I'm leaving."

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Late at night, soft moans and garbled pants elicited from an almost dark room. Quickened breath mixed with quiet murmur of names and begs and strangled cries. One heated moment belonged only to the two occupants of the room.

"Sas—"

"Aah—"

Of all things Sasuke knew about his master, Yukimura was dangerous. As Genjirou, he was a party animal, flirt-teaser, and such a goddamn sweet-tongued playboy. Yet, he was even more dangerous when he was being himself, the Sanada Saemonnosuke Yukimura.

Just like now.

The older man rolled aside to gave the smaller body beneath his a space. Tossing one leg over Sasuke's thigh, he gulped a big amount of air. The warm body that belonged to Sasuke was still trembling lightly, and Yukimura thought no better way to soothe him but hug his subordinate.

"—avy."

"Mm?"

"You're heavy," Sasuke mumbled quietly. "Get off."

Yukimura chuckled. "You didn't say it before even when I was inside you."

Something he couldn't describe in Sasuke's face appeared to freeze for an endearing moment before the usual scowl was placed back.

"You know, Sasuke," Yukimura began as he trailed his palm over the bumps on Sasuke's lean arm. "At the first time we met in that forest, I've never thought that later we would do this."

"Stupid," he mocked. "Haven't you done this so many times?"

"But there's only one you."

_Liar. You have another 'Sasuke' before me._

"Don't think too much, Sasuke." Yukimura chided gently as he saw the small up-turn at a corner of Sasuke's lips.

The finger threading through his hair felt so good he almost wanted to close his eyes and just sleep, but he couldn't. Every moment with Yukimura was endearingly, sophisticatedly bittersweet, and he wouldn't let go any of it.

"You look older when you have this," Smiling, Yukimura rubbed gently at the furrow between Sasuke's brows.

"I'm not a kid."

"Not anymore, but you used to."

Sasuke moved to take Yukimura's hand off of his temple and brought it to his lips. Kissing the palm, his tongue carefully caressed the lines of the calloused palm. Dragging his wet, loving tongue over Yukimura's thumb, he took it into his mouth and suckled.

"You and your wicked mouth," Yukimura groaned. "Stop it."

Biting the tip of the thumb none too gently, Sasuke reluctantly released the thumb from his mouth. "Why?"

"Just stop."

"Don't you want it?"

"I said _stop_."

Yukimura regretted it the moment he said that. The flash of hurt crossing the brilliant eyes of his subordinate was more than enough to prove how foolish he had been. Sighing, he caressed Sasuke's cheek with the thumb the younger man had adored before.

"Don't give me that kind of face. You'll only make me want you again."

"Why don't you?" _Do want me. Want me selfishly. Want me possessively_.

He pulled back a little to see his youngest Guardian. "You're not serious."

"I am, Yukimura."

"There's no need to prove anything. I believe you."

"No, you don't. You don't believe me enough. That's why you wa—"

"We're not going to talk about it anymore."

Daisuke's genpuku, he realized with a pang in his heart, was the obstacle between his so-called relations with his master. As soon as the new head of the Sanada House was decided, the Ten would be deprived from the previous head's side. Fully knowing that he was the strongest, the best of the Ten, Sasuke realized Yukimura would place him on his son's side.

Yukimura would do everything, anything, to make sure that the people he loved were all safe and sound.

Sasuke would do everything, anything, to maintain his place.

From the very beginning, from that time in the dark, terrible forest, he had realized that his place was beside Yukimura's side. Since that unforgettable moment, he had prepared to become an important permanent part of Yukimura's life.

By Yukimura's side was where he chose to be.

And he was glad that Yukimura showed the other side of his only to him.

He was given the privilege to see the sleek, lean body beneath the smooth clothes, the pleasure written on his master face when they were together in bed, the sated face when his master reached the peak, and most of all, one that he would never, ever traded with anything, the smile meant only for him.

The achingly beautiful, loving smile.

It was none of the usual gentle smile his master always donned. The smile was different in its own special way. The smile was _his_.

"Your Ten will do anything for you."

"I know."

"Then send me out."

What was important to Yukimura was also important to him. He wanted to eliminate the Tokugawa regime because Yukimura wanted to. Yukimura's dream was his, too. No one could understand his master as he could. Even the younger Sanada or the other nine Guardians didn't understand Yukimura as he did. _No one_.

"No."

"I can kill the fox (1)."

"I know you can."

"But you don't send me."

Though the hidden base at Mount Kudo was still impenetrable yet, it didn't mean the Sanada clan was any safer. The fucking Tokugawa troops were around them. Even Daisuke's mother (2) was one of them. What he didn't understand was why Yukimura had not given any command to annihilate those foes.

"Never question my tactics, Sasuke."

"Tactics? Was _that_ woman also a part of your tactics?"

Yukimura's eyes narrowed dangerously. "I know you hold a grudge against her, but at least you should respect her as Daisuke's mother."

"A Tokugawa's foe has a son from a Tokugawa's fellow. What a perfect tactic."

"Sasuke."

"Is that why you haven't sent us the Ten out to attack them?" _Is that why you make the boy your heir so he would be the one to fulfil your dream?_

"_Sasuke_."

That traitorous woman gave a birth to Yukimura's heir. That innocent-seeming boy gave Yukimura the wonderful feeling of being a father. He, on the other hand, had not given Yukimura anything valuable enough despite that the man had always been there when the younger man needed him.

So he gave all of him he could offer selflessly. But as time grew, Sasuke knew that his selfless offer was his own selfish excuse to stay by Yukimura's side.

He wanted Yukimura's heart.

"Your sword," he stated calmly. His voice tinted with a glint of desperate realization and emotions even he couldn't tell what. "Your sword will kill Tokugawa."

"Yes."

There were dutiful obligations and passionate desires, and there were ways to show his love for his master.

"I will be your sword."

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Notes:

(1) Ieyasu Tokugawa's nickname

(2) Since Tokugawa Ieyasu was a very scheming and cunning man, some believe that Yukimura's wife was a spy who later committed a suicide in shame, but I'm not so sure whether it's just a tale or not.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Of Sword and Sheath

**Of Sword and Sheath**

Author: pratz

Disclaimer: Kamijyo-sensei for sure, and I don't even like the anime. It's only bearable because Ishida Akira and Ogata Megumi are there, really.

Notes: an update, at long last! Forgive me for being such a sloth and also forgive any mistakes here since this is unbetaed. Honestly, even I once thought I wouldn't continue to write for this. You know, writer's block sucks my inspiration, will and blood like a hungered vampire. One more chapter to go down, and after this I don't think I'll write any SDK fanfic for some moments. If plot bunny decides to strike me, of course I'll follow it down the hole. So yeah. Gimme an idea and ask me to write _for you_, and I'll do. Last but no the least, thank you for still following this story so far! You have my biggest gratitude!

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_Love_

_Love is a verb_

_Love is a doing word_

_Teardrop_; Massive Attack

**Chapter 2 of 3**

Benitora, Sasuke remembered, was a great friend. He was caring and compassionate, always the buffoon on the days they were together with the Onime no Kyo. Bontenmaru himself said that Hidetada was the one with the biggest and kindest heart among them all. Even Sasuke secretly admitted he liked that gentle part of the shadow master.

Until now, Sasuke was still grateful for the chance to know the real Hidetada behind his being a Tokugawa Hidetada.

The recent Benitora was the conqueror of all Japan, master of the Tokugawa shogunate and the most powerful landlord in the continent. Sasuke, being a Sanada ninja, had realized fully that the present Benitora was his enemy, since his master was standing against the Tokugawa shogunate and he was all but his master's aid.

Still, Sasuke could not help but thinking that this time he needed Benitora's help. Or at least he needed someone to listen to him, that was.

"Surely you're not here only for playing, aren't you, Sasuke of the Ten?"

Sasuke's attempt to make a smirk failed miserably. Instead, his lips curved into an almost scowl. "Sana−Yukimura sent me out."

"Did he?" Benitora turned around, his silk robe flying gracefully around him. "Are you to accompany the young Sanada?"

"You know?"

"I have my own source, Sasuke." Benitora smiled. "No need to be that guarded around me, you know. As long as the one you meet is Benitora, Hidetada won't harm you."

"Like if you meet Genjirou?"

Benitora hid a grin. "Most likely." He gave a sign to Sasuke to jump down from his hiding place in the attic above the Tokugawa heir's room. "Come down now. I'd like to have a conversation with you."

"I don't have too much time around."

"Ah, I see. Daisuke?"

Sasuke nodded, though he knew Benitora could not see him. "We're—I'm on a mission."

"Now, now, be careful, Sasuke," Benitora chastised softly. "You don't talk about such a thing like secret missions with your foe."

"You're not; Hidetada is. You've said it yourself."

"Why, Sasuke," the man inside the room tilted his head up as if to locate the ninja on his attic. "It isn't like you to just reveal that you have a mission. Have you forgotten the supposedly sealed lips of a ninja? Well, still I'll be glad if you tell me Yukimura finally decides to surrender, though. Whatever problem you have, you're still very much a Sanada aid."

"_Yukimura_'s aid."

Benitora gave a jovial laugh. "Is that why? Because it's Daisuke? Because it's another Sanada and not Yukimura?"

Sasuke knew that Benitora, behind his happy-go-lucky manners, was really a sensitive person. He understood problems the way no one could understand. He knew that Benitora had realized the reason behind his sudden visit.

"You worry too much," Benitora said amidst his muffled laughter. "No wonder you don't have women tailed behind you even in your age now—despite the fact that you have the asset for it."

"Idiot."

"You are important to him."

Sasuke blinked.

"You do matter to him." Benitora smiled—a gentle one like he had usually worn when he showed his care toward his friends and fellows, a smile that, perhaps, no one knew that Tokugawa Hidetada was able to have. "I've told you so, haven't I? Discuss your problem with him. Yukimura will listen to you. You're more than what you think you are to him."

"I'm just his ninja, Tora—a ninja whom he doesn't have a trust in anymore."

"Nonsense."

"Don't you see that lately there's no Tokugawa soldier's been killed by me?"

"But your master is still the biggest treat—more than Uesugi or Toyotomi."

"I don't care about Uesugi or else."

"Sasuke," Benitora raised his tone a degree higher. "A change of the wind, I regret so. I really think I'm not the one you should talk to. Go now. It's not my words that you need."

"You jerk."

"My guards are coming. You won't let anything bad happen to Daisuke, will you?"

"But I don―"

"Go. _Now_!"

The rest came in a blur. Sasuke only remembered that several groups of the Tokugawa's most feared ninjas and guards found him in their lord's room, and, believing that he was a bearer of harm to the Hidetada, cornered him until they all reached a cliff behind the Tokugawa's castle. Sasuke accidentally kicked down two or three small stones. The sound of their falling into the river down there did not reach his ears, and that was enough to tell him that even a flying monkey (1) might get serious trouble if he fell.

"You can't run anymore, bastard," Benitora announced vehemently, now already playing his act of Tokugawa Hidetada. _Jump, Sasuke. I cannot guarantee your life if you're caught here, but you can manage your life if you run now_.

"A hundred years too early for a Tokugawa dog to kill me," he bit back. _Not now. Corner me more_.

"Ah. A wounded dog's bark?" Benitora unsheathed his sword, moving closer to Sasuke. Pointing his sword to Sasuke, he said, "Come now, dog!" _Take care, Sasuke. Until we meet again_.

_You too, idiot_.

Sasuke lunged forward to attack, his Shibien ready, but Benitora completed a faster move. A swift slash knocked Sasuke's Shibien from his grip and left a long gash across his torso. The force of Benitora's slash shoved him backward to the cliff. For a second, Sasuke could see his own body floating in the air with some remnant of heat from Benitora's last slash between his knees... before the gravitation pulled him violently to the wild river below.

SPLASH!

Sasuke did not remember anything much after the fall.

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"You're awake?"

Heaving dry breaths, Sasuke tried to regain his sense. His body felt sluggish, and his eyes were heavy. To merely open his eyes needed more strength than the usual. "Wh—" he croaked, voice slurred and seriously hoarse, so he tried again. "Where 'm I?"

A blurred image of a relieved face came into his sight. "Home. We brought you back after Hidetada tossed you into the river."

"Mount Kudo?"

"Yes."

He made a move to sit, but a hand prevented him from doing so. "I—"

"Please don't move too much, Sasuke-san. Kosuke-san will be angry to me if I let you do that. You're seriously wounded, and I'm sorry I couldn't get you faster at that time."

His eyes finally recognized the figure talking to him. Daisuke. "How..." he did not continue.

Daisuke smiled—a smile that was so close to his father's smile. "I'll tell you later. Please rest for now."

"Why are you here?" It was... _odd_ for the heir to be in a charge's room, though Yukimura had done it countless time. But then again, Yukimura was no normal clan head ever.

"I'm not the Head yet," Daisuke said, as if reading his mind, a bit nervous like he had always been in Sasuke's presence. "So please don't be too formal towards me, Sasuke-san. Besides, it's my responsibility that you're here now and Father said so." He shrugged, like a boy of his age did. "So yeah. I'm grounded."

Daisuke's cheeky grin reminded him of Yukimura. _Not now, damn it_, he grunted, half in exasperation and half in pain. "You can leave now. I'm fine."

"I can't do that. Father told me to await him."

_Great. Now even he himself will be coming to see me in my weakest. Just great_.

A breath away from his silent curse, Kosuke appeared on the doorway with, unfortunately, the man whose presence Sasuke hoped for yet dreaded the most right now. He cursed again under his breath, feeling every bit of his self tense in anticipation for anything Yukimura might leash out.

"Daisuke," Yukimura called, eyeing the figure beside Sasuke's bed, "I expect more careful actions from you in the future. I believe this has taught you much."

"Yes, Father."

Sighing, the man stepped closer to his son and patted him on the shoulder. "I couldn't say I'm not disappointed in your action, but your decision to quickly return home was proved right. I'm glad you're alright. Now go find Saizou for your detention, but try not to be late for dinner." Yukimura's smile was toned gentler, a bit sad even, but it was far from angry.

"I'm sorry, Father," Daisuke replied, relief and regret flooded his face, "and thank you."

As Daisuke left the room, Yukimura's attention was now solely focused on Sasuke. From her place, Kosuke could sense the heavy uneasiness radiating from both men. She wished that no more injury, bodily or not, would be made to one another. With Daisuke coming to his position as the heir, things in the Sanada House had already been not so smooth even before Sasuke's fall. Not yet the Head, actually, but Yukimura made sure that Daisuke would be soon. Not that she disliked Daisuke, either. She liked Daisuke just fine, but it was just that... the boy was _not_ Yukimura.

She knew Sasuke shared the same sentiment.

"So," Yukimura began, "a monkey (1) has fallen finally, hasn't it?"

Horrified and started, Kosuke stifled her gasp with a hand.

Instead of scowling in anger, Sasuke turned his head to the side so that Yukimura could not see his face.

"I'm disappointed in Daisuke, but I'm disappointed even more in you. You, of all people," Yukimura paused, now sitting beside Sasuke, his figure looming over the prone body lying on the bed, "should know better that when you're in a mission, a visit to... an old friend wasn't really needed."

It felt like being gutted so hard, like something was coiling and tightening inside his stomach then painfully clawing its way up to his chest. Sasuke wanted to vomit, feeling suffocated and terribly sick. Yukimura's plain tone carved something he could only recognize as pain on his skin, painstakingly marking him as a disgrace in Yukimura's eyes.

It hurt.

"You're not being fair, Yukimura-sama," Kosuke tried to reason out, deciding to interfere between the two men and hoping she would not just fan the fire ablaze. "If Sasuke didn't draw all attention to him, Daisuke wouldn't be able to escape at all. I'm not saying that Sasuke wasn't at fault—well, not entirely, but—"

"No, Kosuke, he has to know what he's done."

"But—"

"Sasuke has to realize his place," Yukimura persisted, and everyone knew it was dead final if Yukimura was determined. "He has to," he said again, softer, "or else he'll lose everything."

With that Yukimura left the room, leaving two of his closest aids, one bewildered and one badly hurt.

"You know he's upset and didn't mean it," Kosuke said quickly, trying to make amend for Yukimura, though it probably would be uselessly futile because she knew Sasuke always took Yukimura's words to heart, each and every word. "He's just as hurt and bewildered as you, Sasuke."

"...I'm a failure."

Not only had he failed Daisuke, but also he had failed Yukimura. He had failed the man's trust, the most precious gift in the world, and the utmost blow only manifested itself when Yukimura's disappointment came in existent words.

'_I'm disappointed even more in you_.'

Damn, it hurt like hell.

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Yukimura had an honestly surprised expression on his face when Sasuke appeared at his windowpane that night, still in bandages and a pair of loose pants. Yet before he could utter even a word, Sasuke beat him to that and tackled him off his feet.

"Sasuke! Wh—"

Lips, chapped and split at one corner, sealed his cry of utter astonishment in a bruising kiss, rough and demanding, all tongue and teeth. In his unguarded state, Yukimura's struggle did not help much as Sasuke bore him down to the floor with his weight, trapping Yukimura's arms between their bodies.

When Sasuke let go of his mouth, Yukimura took a noisy gulp of air, speaking roughly, "Sasuke, it's—"

"I want sex," he said bluntly, suppressing the urge to flinch at his blatant obscenity. "Let's do it."

"Sasuke," Yukimura tried again, but it was hard when Sasuke strategically fumbled with the band holding his pants on his waist, knowing hand wandering on the inside of his sleeping robe, skilfully enticing reaction for a primal hunger. He had never, ever seen this aggressive side of Sasuke before. His ninja could be vicious and violent in a fight, that he knew, but this bundle of desperate desire and frustration and self-disgust was not Sasuke.

It made Yukimura wince at his own failure to really know Sasuke, at his own weakness to really understand Sasuke.

Thanks to the inner pain, it cleared Yukimura's lust-fogged brain.

Mustering the strength he could employ from his trapped arms, Yukimura deftly flipped them over and quickly hold Sasuke's arms on both of the younger man's sides. Breathing unevenly, Yukimura saw the naked pain in Sasuke's eyes, the very pain that almost, almost made him want to crush the ninja to him and never let go and just forget that he had a very serious problem in his hand.

"You don't want it?" Sasuke's voice trembled lightly as he spoke, sounding much younger than he really was, like a frightened child lost in a deep forest of betrayal and refusal.

"Sasuke, stop."

"But you say sex feels good."

God, he could not stand this!

"Listen to me," he hissed vehemently, face hovering so close to Sasuke's he could feel the boy's exhaled breath on his lips. Yukimura was frustrated, too, and he knew he hurt Sasuke more now in his burst. "We'll have sex all you want, but I won't let you do this just because you want to hurt yourself more. You know I want you—I always do, but I want you to feel good, too. You understand that?" His clutch on Sasuke's arm tightened as he saw the stubborn denial beneath the younger man's icy stare, the blood now seeping to reach his fingers as Sasuke's wound reopened again. Feeling utterly helpless and weary all so sudden, Yukimura braced himself in order not to collapse onto the younger man and let go of Sasuke's arms, slowly removing himself away. "You must understand, Sasuke. You must."

Once again, unknowingly to Yukimura, his words only became a firm affirmation nailed fiercely to Sasuke's belief that he really had failed to understand Yukimura, them, this, everything, anything.

_A failure_.

Upon hearing the ruckus, Daisuke rushed to his father's room in no time. His eyes widened as he recognized the figure lying inertly on the floor and the man leaning on the wall. "Father! Sasuke-san!"

"Please bring him back to his room," Yukimura said tiredly, not moving from his place. "And don't let anybody know of this, please."

His mouth already half opening to let out a response, Daisuke then realized that it was better if he did not say anything right now. "Yes, Father. Excuse us."

Sasuke could barely notice his surrounding even when Daisuke hoisted him to his feet, helping him to walk back to his room. From the corner of his eye, he could see Yukimura, still sitting there, still sagging against the wall like a tattered marionette.

Disgusted at how things had turned out and mostly at himself, Sasuke shrugged Daisuke's hands off. "I can walk by myself," he scowled, tottering in his steps, leaning onto the wall of the Sanada's residence to brace himself.

Daisuke stopped in his track, a little behind Sasuke, quiet, then, "Sasuke-san, you always look at me with hatred in your eyes."

This time, it was Sasuke's turn to stop. His room was no more than twelve steps ahead, and he managed to reach it, limping to his bed. Daisuke followed him and slid the door close. Daisuke did not ask a question; he was only enquiring for a confirmation or a negation, and Sasuke was torn in between.

"I'm sorry if I can't live up to your expectation," Daisuke continued, softly, and he did not falter despite the chocking atmosphere between them—_exactly a Sanada like his father_, Sasuke thought grimly. "If anything, Sasuke-san, disappointing you is the last thing on my mind." Daisuke raised his head, smiling lightly. "I want you to look at me with pride you've always had for Father. I want your respect more than I want anyone's respect, even my father's. Not because I'm the heir, not because I'm someone you're assigned to guard, but because I'm who I am."

"You," Sasuke paused uncertainly, then, "you always have my respect."

Daisuke's smile turned more gently, his facial features softening. In times like this, he really was a blueprint of his father. "I really appreciate that. Yet... I always regret that because of me, you're hurt."

"It's... nothing," Sasuke countered. "I've survived worse than this."

"I always regret that I'm the one who distances you from Father."

Closing his eyes, Sasuke sucked in a sharp breath. _Damn the inquisitiveness of the Sanadas_. The words surely hit home, and he did not like it even a bit. "Don't think too high of yourself," he spat out, though he did not intend to do so. "I'm a Sanada ninja; I'm a sword. It's only natural I do like your father bides me."

_Yes, that's what I am. A sword._

_A tool meant to fulfil Yukimura's wishes_.

There was silence, before Daisuke spoke again. "I think Father's have an exactly correct view of you, Sasuke-san; you don't understand. How could Father let you merely be his sword, Sasuke-san," the boy said, his voice taking the tender yet confidently firm tone once more, "when you worth more than that?"

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(1) Sarutobi wasn't Sasuke's surname. In fact, that's what Japanese legends call him, meaning the Flying Monkey, because it's believed that he's a forest resident before he joined with the Sanadas.


	3. Chapter 3

Of Sword and Sheath

**Of Sword and Sheath**

Author: pratz

Disclaimer: all hail Kamijyo-sensei, will you?

Notes: I offer you the longest and also the last chapter. For all readers, especially JiriToshirou, Kaori, A lilmatchgirl, Kohaku Kawa, Swirly, BiNeko (yuya-sama), Haein, Nobody special, Hyper Kid, i.love.waffles, pinksnow, Aeternus-Spes, orisantihope (also on LJ), Crimson Kaoru, Arugentine and dearest Tora Macaw (whose patience in fic-writing is stunning), I send my deepest gratitude and appreciation. It's been my pleasure to finally finish this fic, considering that I don't really have the kick to write multi-chaptered fic lately—aside from Athrun-related fic. Now off to the fic you go. Thank you! Until we meet again!

P.S.: and I just can't help the epilogue. I have to put it there. Slap me.

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"_I will be your sword."_

"_Sasuke has to realize his place. He has to. Or else, he'll lose everything."_

"_How could Father let you merely be his sword, Sasuke-san, when you are worth more than that?"_

**Chapter 3 of 3**

Sasuke sometimes wondered what the point in visiting a grave was. As time went by, the corpse would no longer be there. Death was very powerful that it would leave nothing behind for the people who had lost their beloved to its claim. It was only the memories they had, though even memories would fade as age consumed people's time.

Yet here he was today, before a grave that bore the same name like his own.

Sasuke knew that, of course, the first Sarutobi Sasuke's body was not there beneath the cold earth. Heck, he was the one who witnessed the man's death back then. The Sanadas built the grave to honour the late man under the very tree that held so much memory for Yukimura and the other member of the Ten. _Your name is your fate_, Onime no Kyou once said, and often Sasuke questioned himself whether he would share the first Sarutobi Sasuke's fate.

"I don't know how you can do it, Shindara," he mumbled. _I don't know how you can bear being with Yukimura, with all of his perpetual lack of common sense. I don't know how you can bear his view of you when he thought you've taken the Mibu's side. I don't know how you can stand it when you know you've been replaced_.

"_Come, Sasuke. You can follow this Sanada Yukimura, and together we will fly to the infinite sky."_

The voice from long ago still sounded clear in his ear, its echo and the emotion inside it never changing. The sentiment hurt, and his sympathy towards the first Sarutobi Sasuke only added to the hurt. From guardian to friends to lover and finally to enemy; how could he not think of himself being in the first Sarutobi Sasuke's place now that he had walked on the same likely path? Apart from the being-an-enemy department, it seemed that they shared the same fate, really.

_But I will never be Yukimura's enemy_, Sasuke thought. _I'll die first even before I have the chance to leave him. I choose to stay with him_.

Yet, indeed, the thought of himself being replaced hurt the worst.

His only functional hand for now, the one being in a cast, stretched to rest atop the grave. The stone felt cold under his palm. Sasuke closed his eyes, praying for a while. _I know you're watching us from wherever you're now, Shindara, so please don't let me disappoint him_.

"Sasuke-san!"

From the corner of an eye, he could see Daisuke jogging to get him. The boy seemed to be a little out of breath. Not because of exhaustion it seemed, though.

"Sasuke-san," the boy began, "please return. You've worried us by leaving your room without notice."

"I'm perfectly capable to move on my own," he replied, a bit offended. "Did something happen?"

Daisuke shook his head. "It's just that this is the first time I see Father being angry at Saizou-san twice in a row."

A frown came to sight between Sasuke's eyebrows. Yukimura? Being angry twice in a row? And at Saizou—of all people? _Now this is new_. "And how does that concern me?"

"It does concern you," Daisuke stated. "I'm still on my detention, you know, and I'll be very thankful if you'd follow me to come back."

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Yukimura was there on the doorstep as they both reached the Sanada temporary base in Mount Kudo, his figure strangely dark and very intimidating to all who saw. Saizou sat rigidly behind Yukimura, and Kosuke next to him.

Daisuke gave a small bow to his father. "Father."

"Thank you, Daisuke." But even the thin smile on Yukimura's lip could not erase the tension bleeding from his figure, filling the room with similar tension. "For now, please leave us two. I have something to discuss with Sasuke."

If anything, Yukimura's tone worried Sasuke. To him, it looked like the words were all forced out to sound flat and calm. More so, the fact that the man was not beaming goofily like he always did added to Sasuke's worry.

Saizou, he noticed, left with an apologetic glance at him.

"If you want to talk to me, why don't you come to fetch me yourself? I know you know where I could possibly be." Then, he added, "There's no need to lash out at Saizou, you know."

Yukimura still stood on his place, as if waiting for Sasuke to come closer to him. "Daisuke told you?"

He shrugged and was paid when his shoulder throbbed faintly, reminding him of his still healing injuries. "A bit. But I can guess the rest."

"Why, Sasuke, I wonder how you can guess my—as you say—lashing out at Saizou but," Yukimura paused, fixing his gaze at Sasuke, "cannot guess at all what I mean when I told you to rest."

A jagged pain bloomed in Sasuke's stomach, but he forced it down before it had a chance to crawl up his throat.

Yukimura continued, still in that flat and cold tone that Sasuke despised. "I was angry at Saizou because he let you come in touch with Beni—Hidetada while you're in a mission to guard Daisuke. Also, I was angry because he let you walk around while you're supposed to stay in bed. Why don't you understand when all I want is not to let you hurt yourself?"

Already knowing what Yukimura would have to say, Sasuke had guessed misery to come from inside him. He, too, had guessed disappointment again. After all, those kinds of emotions were familiar to him ever since his relation with Yukimura grew strained.

But he had never guessed so much anger.

"What makes you think I can't handle a small problem of having a small walk?" he shot back, a little heated than it was supposed to be, but it was enough to make Yukimura flinch although his master tried to hide it. "I've survived the Red King conquest. I've survived many of the Tokugawa invasions. I returned your son without any scratch, and I returned alive. I am not a weakling."

"I know you aren't." The older man got to his feet. "But I've told you before; there's time when you have to listen to me. It's not that difficult, isn't it?"

Gritting his teeth, Sasuke stood his ground. "Weren't you the one who told me I can do what I want to do as long as I am loyal to you?"

"This isn't time for such debate, damn it!" Yukimura rarely cursed, so when he did, he must have meant it. Sasuke could feel the lump of emotion he had tried to suppress crawl back to his throat, constricting it. "What did you think you're doing when you visited Hidetada? I know you're confident in your strength, but didn't you think you'd endanger Daisuke, Saizo, and yourself?"

"Tora is my friend," Sasuke countered back through gritted teeth, considering how he could hurt Yukimura back. _An eye for an eye, Yukimura_. It was so low of him—to his master nevertheless, but he could not help it. "Unlike someone who just had happened to tell me that Tora is _the_ shogun after years, I can trust him." (1)

And that certain expression dawned again.

Sasuke hated it. He hated the way Yukimura could make him want to double over and curl himself on the floor just by displaying such expression on his face; a perfect mix of denial, frustration, insecurity, disappointment—_I disappoint him again, Shindara_—and, above all, hurt.

"And what makes you think," Yukimura evened his voice, now once again so empty, unyielding to the very emotions Sasuke knew raging inside him, "I would believe that you're there as a friend of _only_ Benitora?"

That accusation hurt the most. Sasuke could feel his blood boiling with anger, something hot and painful prickling at the corner of his eyes. Were the tough years of his serving not enough to prove his loyalty? Was his endless devotion not enough to make Yukimura at last have a little faith in him?

Sasuke could not think more clearly than ever.

"I am terribly sorry for making you doubt me, Yukimura-sama." He took a temporary halt for some seconds, sickly enjoying the may Yukimura's face twisted deeper in pain. He had never, ever called Yukimura properly with any title of honour the way a ninja should regard his master, not even if his life depended on it. "It was solely my responsibility, and have I failed you, I am ready to atone for it."

He could not remember turning his back to Yukimura and leaving, but he took no heed to care.

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

"I guess this is the worst fight you've ever had with Father, am I right, Sasuke-san?"

"What do you want?" From his place on the tree branch, he could feel the young heir watch him solemnly. Of all people, why did it have to be Daisuke who came to him? _I'm stuck in a restless household with people keep sticking their nose in my problem_, he groaned mentally. _And here I am, going to be preached by my self-appointed source of problems_.

"Before that, should I come to sit beside you or you come down here?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes in annoyance, though the heir could not see the mocking gesture. Any ways, Daisuke would have a talk with him—and that was final. _Why aren't I surprised, eh, brat? You're his son, after all._ Then he hopped down from his sitting place, and the next second he was standing beside Daisuke, looking perfectly composed.

Daisuke smiled. "Thank you."

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

In the Code of Bushi, there was a rule for disloyalty: to atone it by death. Sasuke had long known the rule even before he entered the Sanada household. A bushi must decide the path of life he would choose and walk upon for the rest of his life. _Not too different from the life of a ninja_, Sasuke thought. _It's just that ninjas aren't supposed to commit seppuku when they fail—because for a ninja, failure in a mission at once means death_.

He closed his eyes, recalling some memories to his mind. Some he treasured; some he wanted to pretend that they never existed at all. Thinking that he already had many, many circumstance where he had cheated Death, he guessed that he was lucky to still be alive today. _And not only once I owe my life to Yukimura—just a bit more than the number he owes me_.

It was how it worked between them. Support and be supported. Save and be saved. Trust and be trusted. Take and give.

Sasuke opened his eyes slowly, drinking in his surrounding. Pitch-black darkness. Yukimura's Room of Profound Darkness (2), where the man usually sat for meditation or planning an advanced military strategy. Only a pair of swords before him he could see. He was sitting at the centre of the room, clad in all pristine white formal clothing.

The uniform for a bushi to wear in his seppuku ritual.

_Yet I'm not a bushi_, Sasuke reflected, _nor I would ever be_.

He closed his eyes again.

His talk with Daisuke helped a little to raise the cloud in his mind. However, he did not need the boy to tell him how Yukimura genuinely cared for him and how he, too, cared for the older Sanada. He did not need to know either how the two of them, who once would gladly die for each other—despite the fact that Sasuke never wanted Yukimura to do that, now easily drifted apart and descended to the level of consciously hurting each other.

"_He's destroying himself. He has to leave it—or let others do it. This war is futile, his dream of victory is futile, every single thing is futile."_

"_You, of all people, Sasuke-san, should have known best that he can't," Daisuke said. "It's no use to try to stop this war, but it's even more useless to ask Father to stop."_

"_I don't see why he can't," he shot back. "It's just that he doesn't want to."_

_Daisuke simply tilted his head, a gesture the boy faithfully inherited from his father. "If you ask Father to do that, then possibly Father would make you do something that you hate. Begging, for example. It's just like that. And this isn't a futile war, Sasuke-san. This isn't about glory only. We're doing what our hearts desire—protecting our beloved people, that is."_

"_Am I?" he drawled sardonically._

"_You are," Daisuke assured. "I know you are."_

"_And how would you know that?"_

"_Because I'm a Sanada, Sasuke-san," Daisuke said softly, beneath his slight smile only plain gentleness. "I am my father's son."_

Day by day, his need for all of Yukimura increased. On the other hand, the older Sanada's protective tendency increased, too. Sasuke wanted to make Yukimura's utmost dream come true, and it meant toppling the Tokugawa reign. He perfectly realised how greedy he had become, but that was it. It was a part of him he could not let go. If there was something that would make Yukimura happy, then he could—would—endure anything.

Yet it was not enough for Yukimura.

The accusing tone of betrayal still hurt. The doubt still hurt. Everything he could remember about the last time he faced Yukimura still hurt.

Sasuke did not even notice that he was holding his breath until he shakily exhaled aloud. A bitter smile grazed his lips. _I guess we really share the same fate, eh, Shindara?_ He grimaced as he recalled the look passing Yukimura's delicate face when the man said those things, and he simply did not want to remember it.

_I guess that's it. We really are drifting apart._

A sudden noise and an abrupt coming of light snapped Sasuke's from his train of thought. Reflexively, he turned his head to the now wide-open door and the figure there, blocking the light coming from outside the room.

Yukimura's eyes had never been as hard as they were now, glistening with intensity that no words could describe, with emotions that went beyond words and paralleled his own.

"Wha—"

Sasuke never had the chance to finish whatever he wanted to say as he was roughly pulled to stand before Yukimura, his recovering wounds screaming at the sudden change of position. Gasping for breath, Sasuke almost forget how fast Yukimura could move. The years had not waned his skill it seemed. There was immediately another swift move from Yukimura, and the pair of swords previously in front of Sasuke went flying to the other side of the room, hitting the wall in their landing and scattering on the floor.

The third move was, all so sudden in its wake, a harsh slap on Sasuke's left cheek.

Sasuke could still feel the sting even when Yukimura's hands flew to grab his collar and haul him to his toes, though their recent gap in height was not very wide.

"You short-minded brat," Yukimura said very close to his face, breathing hard. "Do you think I would be happ—"

Sasuke was a ninja, and in impulse one of his hands flew only to land a well-earned punch on Yukimura's jaw.

"You deserve it, stupid," Sasuke spat a spit of saliva mixing with blood as the result of Yukimura's slap onto the floor, satisfied as he saw his master's body being thrown onto the nearest wall, crushing tatami and wooden panel along. "In the future, just name the time if you want a fight."

In front of him, Yukimura raised himself from splinters of wood and paper, limping a little. "Don't you trust me, Sasuke?"

"What the—what kind of question is that?" Sasuke roared, shaking with anger. "You hit me first, bastard. Is that the way you ask someone?" As Yukimura tried to get a hold of his arms, he viciously slapped the hand away. "Don't touch me!"

Yet Yukimura was stubbornly persistent, and, moving forward, he cupped Sasuke's face with his too warm palms. "What have I done to lose your trust in me?" he whispered, and with that, his lips crashed down to Sasuke's.

Taken aback, Sasuke's mind needed some seconds to register the swing of events right now. "Get off of me!" Violently, he struggled to break free from his master's hold only to find that he was unable to do so. "Yukimura, get off!" In his desperate need for an escape, Sasuke reached his hand around his master's head and yanked Yukimura's shoulder-length hair, hard.

That finally brought a call to reality for Yukimura.

"Damn it, Yukimura! What the hell are you doing?" Sasuke still did not let go of Yukimura's hair, the strands slipping between his fingers. "Fine! You ask me, and now listen to my answer. Stop treating me as if I haven't grown at all, stop looking at me as if I'm a fragile infant who doesn't know how to handle the world and stop playing with my feeling because you know I'll never be able to hate you even though you do!" He stepped forward, forcing Yukimura to go along with him, thus stepping back. Yukimura's back now was pressed onto the wall, and he was standing chest to chest with Sasuke.

"But—" Yukimura swallowed, then, "but I never play with you."

"Liar," Sasuke hissed vehemently. "You know what I think, how I feel, yet you still put a wide gap between us. Am I that worthless to stay with you as your guardian? Am I that incapable to help you reach for the top?" There. He had said it all; his unspoken disapproval of Yukimura naming Daisuke his heir while the older man was still the current Head of the Sanada household, of why Yukimura was reluctant to send him out to kill Tokugawa Ieyasu, of why Yukimura had never begun to bring together the rest of the Toyotomi army though the man knew that all they needed was his brilliance. _And of why you start distancing yourself from me bit by bit_. "I _am_ your sword, and all you have to do _is_ doing what you have to do with your sword." Disgusted with his outburst himself, Sasuke finally let go of his master and took a step backward.

"Sasuke," Yukimura began, the creasing between his brows a frown of bitterness rather than of physical pain.

Sasuke raised a hand to cut him off. "Don't. Don't say anything out of pity. I've had enough of it already."

"Sasuke," Yukimura tried again, this time both of his hands on Sasuke's arms, "is that how you think of me? Is that how you think all you are to me? A sword?" The raw pain in Yukimura's voice and eyes made Sasuke want to turn his face. "Sasuke, look at me." Once again, his palms cupped Sasuke's face, this time much gentler than the previous. "I thought we've already passed this. To me, you, and all people here in this household, is my precious family. I wouldn't—_couldn't_ let any of you die just because of me."

"But I do," he insisted stubbornly. "I would die for you."

"No!" The man cut sharply. "All my life, I only have two commands as a commander to my fellows: protect me _and_ protect themselves. That won't change forever." Then, as if his might had left him, Yukimura sagged against Sasuke's smaller body, his voice next hoarse and tight. "But I guess the blame is all on me if you can't get what I mean."

"_Deep down in his heart, I think Father must have thought that he's a demon. A demon with unforgivable sins. A demon who turns you into a manslayer. A demon who always regrets his inability to protect the people he loves. A demon he doesn't want to be yet cannot escape from. He knows that better than anyone and never denies it." Daisuke's voice faltered a bit, probably from lamenting the fact himself. "But I guess, no matter what, Father doesn't want to let go of that small bit of humanity left inside him that makes him the human he is."_

"It's not like that, idiot." Slowly, Sasuke's hands crawled up to rest at Yukimura's back, the fabric of his master's robe being clutched tightly in his trembling fists. "It's not like that..."

"_To Father, you're not only a mere sword, Sasuke-san." Behind Daisuke's smile, there was only wise understanding despite his age; a proof that the boy was the son of Sasuke's one and only master. "To Father—no—to _Sanada Yukimura_, you matter."_

He was the sheath whom Yukimura trusted his humanity to. The one whom Yukimura trusted to keep him humane. The one whom Yukimura trusted to keep him sane in the midst of war and killing.

Yukimura's razor-sharp sword; Yukimura's sheath.

With Yukimura's hair tickling his cheek, Sasuke straightened himself and the older man. "I've told you; you _are_ my home. You'll never lose my trust, if that's what you're afraid of." Closing his eyes, Sasuke placed his temple on Yukimura's exposed collarbone, and he tightened his half-embrace on Yukimura. "Children, successor or even death would not change it. You will never lose me."

The man nodded lightly against the top of his head. "I know. I think I just need a reassurance." A gruff chuckle followed after that. "Silly of me. I'm sorry. For everything."

"Accepted. I'm sorry, too." A wonder was how quick they could forgive each other every time they had a fight as well as how easy they spoke things coming from their heart, but Sasuke knew Yukimura better than his shadow. Beneath the happy-go-lucky surface and sometimes the ruthlessness as a bushi, Yukimura was still a man, after all, and every man deserved to know that he was loved. _I deserve it, and he does, too. We have our own demon, but next time, we'll face it together, not apart_. He raised his eyes to Yukimura's level, staring at the eyes he so treasured. "You're a man of secret; it's your habit, and I can't change that. Just... don't keep it bottled inside too much, alright? I'll be there to listen anytime you want to talk."

It only took a smile to lighten Yukimura's weary visage, making him look so much younger and less burdened. Gone were the grim lines beneath his eyes and next to the corners of his mouth. "And next time, I'll do better when your temper get the better of you."

"I never let anything get the better of me," he protested, though weakly.

The teasing smile was back on Yukimura's lips, and though Sasuke was glad, he did not want to deal with it right now. So he thought of another subject. "Tell me why you suddenly stormed in just before. I mean, I was only meditating, you know."

"_Meditating_?!" Yukimura gave a shriek, his mouth gaping. "But—Daisuke—he's tricked me!"

"Trick?"

"Er—well." It was only now Yukimura had the nerve to appear sheepish. "Look at yourself and where we are. You know... your white kimono, my Room of Profound Darkness, and those swords—well—panic often leads to being ridiculous..."

Sasuke looked around before looking at himself. Disbelief coloured his face in the next second his brain had digested the affairs. "_You_ thought _I_ was going to commit seppuku?" Finding no protest from Yukimura, Sasuke genuinely rolled his eyes. "You really are an idiot." He would never admit how delighted he was to know that Yukimura had felt afraid for him, though.

The sheepish smile melted into a much gentler, knowing one, the one filled with affection and understanding, the one Sasuke loved so much, the one Sasuke would make sure to be there more often from now on. "Your idiot."

"Whatever."

"Sasuke?"

"What?"

"...Thank you."

In those two simple words lied each and every emotion, all bare to know and understand. Sasuke just had realized that.

"And I, you."

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

**Epilogue**

The reconstruction for the Room of Profound Darkness was already done last week. Even Yukimura had already used it two days after the reconstruction, although he was not the first to use it. Daisuke, in fact, was the first one to use the room in another detention as he, Sasuke recalled what Yukimura had said, tried to play the mediator in their not-so well-brought-up fight. The rest of the Sanada resident pretended that they knew a little to nothing of the Head's latest setback, knowing that it was not their place to blame Yukimura for the damage.

Yukimura had been in the room since yesterday. Ever since they had gotten to the bottom of their fall out, Sasuke noticed that Yukimura had given a lot of thought about it. Being an avid reader of Confucius teaching (3), Yukimura called it a way to calm himself. _I need to get my head clear so it'll benefit us both_, he reasoned.

He did not even stir as Sasuke slid the door open and walked towards him. To Sasuke, Yukimura in meditation was more tranquil and more beautiful than ever. He sucked in deep breath as he saw the light from outside fall on Yukimura's hair and on the left side of his face. With his eyes closed, the detail of Yukimura's face came clearer, the line of his high cheeks and the smoothness of his jaw making Sasuke hold his breath in adoration. Strands of black hair falling past his closed eyes only added to the fairness of the curve of Yukimura's face, thick eyelashes sweeping against the paleness of his cheeks. _A demon who turns into Buddha_, Sasuke humoured the idea.

Quietly, he knelt before the man, ingraining each and every detail of the man in his mind. _I guess the word 'beauty' exists for a person like you_. Planting both hands on each side of Yukimura's thighs to prop himself, Sasuke leant forward, inch by inch nearing to Yukimura's face. Their lips touched softly, Sasuke letting his stay on Yukimura's for a moment, opening his mouth a bit wider to let the tip of his tongue graze Yukimura's upper lip tenderly before pulling back in an elegant move of a ninja.

An eyes peeked open, slowly, then another. "I'm in the middle of meditation, you know." The tone, however, harboured no irritation, only amusement.

"I know." Sasuke shifted to sit beside Yukimura, searching for the best position for himself, his arm and thigh touching Yukimura's. "That's why I'll just sit here and be quiet."

"Ah. No one to keep you a company outside?"

"Not really." Sighing softly, Sasuke adjusted his sitting position to be at ease himself but not before swiftly stealing one more kiss. "I like it better here. With you."

Yukimura closed his eyes again, this time smiling as Sasuke tilted his head to rest on his shoulder and closed his own eyes.

Together they sat in silent serenity.

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Notes:

(1) Even until the end of _Samurai Deeper Kyo_ manga (volume 37), Yukimura never reveals Benitora's identity as shogun to Sasuke. Even when he asks Yuya if she knows in the Epilogue Episode, Yuya only makes a gesture that they should keep silent about the secret. All thanks to ChibiJenn for pointing my previous slip-up.

(2) from _Hikaru no Go_. You know, the one where they run a game between insei and pro. I am deeply impressed by Obata-sensei's portrayal of the match between Sai and Touya Kouyou; therefore, the room is deeply ingrained in my brain. What a un-originality, I must curse myself.

(3) Remember the part when Yukimura suddenly appears as the Red King advances to get Sakuya and Yuya, the one before he steals the King's hat? Yep. In that chapter, Yukimura happens to briefly trade Confucius teaching with the Red King. Only he can do such a daring act, I beg to differ. Yet that's why we love him, no? At last to me that is.

A little note, along with the end of Yukimura's campaign, his son, Daisuke, died. If Sasuke is a real figure, then supposedly he died, too, in the same year. It's also said that Ieyasu still considered Yukimura his archrival even on his deathbed. The last Sanada line surviving the Tokugawas campaign was the one of his brother's, Nobuyuki, who joined the Tokugawas just like Masayuki—Yukimura's father—had ordered him to prevent the total annihilation of the Sanadas. I guess that's why the Tokugawas allowed a memorial gravestone to be erected for Yukimura although he's a supporter of the Toyotomis. Why, the romance of history.


End file.
